Clay Travis :: Claynation

Clay Travis has a new book hitting the shelves August 2009. Click here to check out his new book On Rocky Top.

Home Books Mail Bag ClayNation Blog Archives About Contact

Drunken Dialing Duel 5-31-05

Friday, September 12, 2008

After ten years of popularity, the mainstream media has finally discovered drunk dialing. I believe drunken dialing finally hit the tipping point when my mom said to me in a conversation the other night,

"Have you heard about all these people who get drunk and make cellular telephone calls?"

Laughing nervously, I changed the subject. But when a woman who still refers to a cell phone as a cellular telephone has heard of drunk dialing, everyone has. Which is unfortunate because it means that all of a sudden drunk dialing has become passé. Before long your parents and grandparents will be calling you at seven in the evening wasted from too many rum punches exclaiming about their own drunk dialing. I was prepared to assign drunk dialing to the dustbin of faddish history along with skidz pants, toe rings, the lower back tattoo on women, and turtle necks when my friends Shekhar and Krishna left a series of five cell phone messages for me within three minutes of one another early Sunday morning. (My wild Saturday night of sitting in my boxers and watching the Suns play the Spurs while rooting for Steve Nash because the 27 hates him had ended approximately three hours later).

Shekhar previously appeared on deadlyhippos during my chronicle of the A-10 basketball tournament, most notably for his insistence that birds did not have blood. Krishna has yet to be mentioned, but he was my former college roommate and suffice it to stay, I've slept beside him more than any other man. Currently, Shekhar and Krishna represent the varied hopes and dreams of Indian men in America: Krishna is a doctor and Shekhar is an aspiring doctor.

So I'm giving them credit for this new twist on drunken dialing, the drunken dialing duel or Triple D. Triple D consists of the following:

1. Drunken
2. Dialing
3. Duel

But more specifically, each man places his cell phone in his right or left pocket and stands with his arms crossed in front of his chest. If a third person wishes to be involved, this person can count 1...2...3. On three instead of saying the number three the third person calls out a name, for instance "Demko."2 The two combatants must then draw their phones, flip through them and see who can correctly place the telephone call first and who gets sent to voicemail. Pushing speaker phone to demonstrate the ringing sound constitutes victory.

If one of you has single button speeddial capabilities, this constitutes automatic disqualification and is grounds for a challenge of any drunken dialing loss. It also means you spend way too much time playing with your cell phone.

When you receive a drunken message from your Dad taunting your Mom over her Triple D loss, notify us and we will put Krishna and Shekhar to work designing a new druken dialing variation. Until then, Triple D away.

1. The 27 is also an Indian man but he is an unrequited failure since he is only a lawyer.

2. Theoretically, an entire room of dialers could participate. A duel can be defined expansively and consist of as many people as are drunk and willing to dial. Should there be only two participants, both duelers must agree on their proposed call target prior to the counting down and then one of the duelers would count to three.

Posted by Clay Travis at 11:47 AM
Permalink Digg this Post Email this Post

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

Previous Posts

Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:

'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
Read More...

When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
Read More...

There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
Read More...

The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
Read More...

Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA. In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
Read More...